I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
