Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
