I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
