I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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