We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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