Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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