sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
