How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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