i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
