It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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