Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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