wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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