Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the day after is always just damage control
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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