a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
