C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
