Im at strip club and am horny
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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