And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
