and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
