Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
