The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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