hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
