sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
