If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
