I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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