the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
