I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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