epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
