umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
