or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize