Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize