you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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