and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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