3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
