mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
sarcasm needs its own font
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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