she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize