she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
