you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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