ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
