Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
