I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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