i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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