I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
