you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
