last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
