this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
