i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
