do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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