dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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