mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
