Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your penis caused this!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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