You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize