i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
