you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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