im drinking this country out of the recession.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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