sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
