Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
