I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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