i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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