Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
