As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
