O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
