I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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