Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I want to make a zoo with you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
