benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
