if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
