'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
