The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
