I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
