please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
