Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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