Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
