I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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