i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
