Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
