I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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