Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
