Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
