I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
