did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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