I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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