Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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