Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
