Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
