you guys were way drunker than both of me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
