the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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